Reflection

Re-play??

It is actually quite scary to come about and see how somebody else can be so like you once upon a time...like staring into the mirror or should I say , like looking into history repeating itself but this time the cast is different ; the scenario and the dialogue sounded like it has been rehearsed or recycled cause it sounded very familiar...lol

This morning, I had a heart to heart with my prayer group leader even though most of the time she was in tears ( it is not very comfortable causing a silver haired strong and stern woman in her late 70s to be in tears frankly)

....she was sharing with me how hard she has been trying to ‘bring’ the group into experiencing the presence of God- how she has been trying to get people to just open their mouth and pray, how ‘flustered and angry’ she would feel when people only wanted to get the power but not willing to spend time in prayers, asking all the time how she could get them to come alive and asking why don’t they want to change...she gave the example of how ‘angry’ she felt when a 74 years old man told her that he has wasted 50 years of his life and now he guess it is time to ‘get serious about God...in her mind thinking how dare he be so proud of wasting those 50 years...

She shared on how heavy her heart is for this prayer ministry which she is heading; shared on how disappointed she is because in every prayer meeting, the people will come and just ask God to “give me give me... “ you can hear how she ‘hurts’ even whenever she led in prayers and I guess it is ‘wailing time’ for her- I guess God is breaking her heart so that she can be ‘moulded and shaped’ as the Potter handles and fashion this precious piece of clay.... she longs to find someone who understands and know her heart and I was the candidate today- one who has been there too...

I have to add that she has started to have this excruciating pain on her palm that literally immobilised the movement of her fingers and she put the cause as a fall she had... but the reason to catch her for this talk today is that there are some letting go she needed to do as in ‘Let Go and Let God... no matter how ‘holy or righteous’ a ministry is.. it is still His ministry and we can’t change anyone or anything unless the Holy Spirit is released to do His work- this was the cause of the tears as she begins to see that one must first enter into rest and is anchored in the Rock- that perhaps when an old man said he is ready to ‘mean business with God now at age 74... one should rejoice and say “finally and hallelujah” and not look back to the ‘past sins and count him 50 years too late’.. that the tainted and coloured lenses should be surrendered and exchanged so that one should see through the eyes of Christ- always into grace and compassion... liken to the Shepherd who will leave the 99 to seek out the one lost and when found the whole angelic hosts rejoice and have a party rather than accusing the Shepherd of leaving the 99... perhaps also to rejoice and thank Him for those ‘slackened ones who still continue to come and not judge them when they don’t perform to one’s expectation...also how Jesus actually strengthened and healed Peter of his sense of ‘failure’- always to restore, always to build up- looking into the potentials and never the weakness...

She was never meant to carry the load and the burden of the sheep which belong to Him but know that her very life and testimony will show the example to all, that her zeal and her hunger for God will cause the people to catch the vision for more of Him in their own lives... that her being on fire will surely spread the heat to those around her ... not to strive or set a par for performance or excellence.... the yoke that He puts on us always fits perfectly and is never heavy....

Does this lady sound like someone you may know??lol.. scary witnessing and being a part in a re-run but thank God I am playing a different role this time round...(sweaty as I type this..phew!! but thank God for second chances and thank God for transformations amen!!)

I know now how difficult I had been lol.. I thank God for all those iron sharpens iron heavy duty- faithful comrades He has sent along my path that today I am able to share ‘my heart and experience’ with this precious sister.

I thank God for the perseverance and endurance not to mention patience invested on me... imagine I can still hear these words echoing even down here in Australia every now and then... " aiyo...this Joanna ah.... !!“ (creepy) lol ... also realised now why after standing in queue and anticipating Kobus to impart that he just prayed “Lord abundant grace, abundant grace... while those with me were slained.. lol.. the One who made me sure knows what I need- abundant grace . Someone wisely rebuked me once saying “ no matter how righteous an act may be but if by that someone is stumbled then it is not of God....”; to always lace your words with grace... invaluable lessons taught and received...

I am truly thankful for great sisters who have extended their hands to help me walk and grow and also to a great brother who taught and reminded me always to exercise grace and not to judge...

#Freely you receive, freely you give...

#Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks..

#Power of life and death is in the mouth... choose life...